supermarket | ic contact

ic contact

❝ hi, it's kieren. sorry i'm not in right now. leave a message and i'll get back to you. ❞
[ ＴＥＸＴ｜ＡＵＤＩＯ｜ＶＩＤＥＯ｜ＩＣ－ＭＥＥＴＵＰＳ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i know

but we're never going to agree on this, are we? we're just going to keep fighting

i don't even know why you like me if i go against everything you believe

( he does agree with simon, to an extent. he wants to change things in roarton. he wants more rights for pds sufferers because they deserve them.

he just doesn't want to hate anyone. kieren, of course, doesn't know the whole story. he's not aware of what they did to simon. maybe he'd think differently if he did. )

Edited 2015-09-06 05:35 (UTC)

Maybe not, but who says we have to keep fighting about it? No one ever agrees on everything all the time, Kieren.

[He takes a deep breath, as usual out of habit, and hits the call button, putting the phone next to his ear and waiting for Kieren to pick up, his free hand trembling again, like it had earlier. He pays it no mind now.

When he hears the click, when Kieren picks up, he starts talking immediately, the worry and fear all bound up in his voice:] You don't go agaisnt everything I believe. I didn't mean what I said before, about you being one of them, wish I could take that back.

[He had one chance, he felt, he had to make it count.] I like you, a lot. Maybe more than I can express with words. I feel connected to you, because you understand, we were both miserable when we were alive. If I ever felt like that again, I know you wouldn't leave because of it. Maybe my life would've turned out better if I'd known you before I died.

I feel like I could talk to you for hours, easily, about music, about anything, really; maybe even learn some things about art from you. I like being around you, I'd've never agreed to come and live here if you weren't here, too. [He pauses, momentarily, then plunges onward before Kieren might interrupt him.] You're so bright, Kieren; when I say you're beautiful I don't just mean physically. You're strong. Strong enough to fight against Blue Oblivion, don't think I could've done that the way you did.

Maybe I'm wrong about your sister, I can't just change my mind 'cause you tell me to, but maybe I could try and see what you see. There's plenty of reasons for me to believe what I do, I know you can understand that, too.

So many people care about you, Kieren, all I want is to keep being one of them. Please.

( it's the nervousness in simon's voice that really hammers this in for kieren, because it isn't very often that he hears his boyfriend sounding so...unsure of himself. especially not when he's so used to speaking with such passion and energy. )

It's not that I don't care about you. I do. It's just --

( he has to think about this, has to pick his words carefully. )

I don't want you to change your mind just because I tell you to. That sounds like a terrible relationship. I just don't want you to put me on some kind of pedestal and realize later that I'm not...what you thought I was. Because you were right, I am alive now. And things are sort of different.

(and, well. this is something kieren knows he has to say. but that doesn't make it any less difficult. )

When I said I'd been seeing some people in the past, that was sort of...not the whole story. I mean, it was but -- I was sort of seeing them up until you got here, and then I broke it off with them. I felt like a really terrible person for a while, liking more than one person. But apparently that's -- well, not normal, but...it happens. And it's alright.

[He'd wanted to speak with that same passion, the kind he felt about Kieren, had tried, but really... It was hard to. And now he's starting to feel better, just a bit, when Kieren says he cares about him, he feels like maybe they can make this work. There's more certainty in his voice when he speaks again, more of the usual passion.]

Kieren, you've never forced me to do anything, or told me to do anything. When I put on cover up and went to Sunday lunch with your family, I did that to get to know you, to see your world, I chose to. I put aside whatever I might've felt about your parents [that they enabled Kieren's attitudes, encouraged him to hide who and what he was under layers of makeup] because I chose to. I was wrong about them; they love you regardless of what you are. I'd never seen anything like that before. Even around here, everything's so different; James was friends with you before you were alive. [He's trying, he really is, to be more accepting, but it's hard when these things fly in the face of so much of what he knows. And he also knows that seeing Jem the way Kieren does won't be easy, maybe he won't even be able to, but he should try.] I never wanted to force you to believe anything, either. I was glad that you stood up and said no, that you accepted yourself, but you did that of your own free will.

[He turns and looks up at the sky, his other hand has thankfully stopped shaking.] I'm putting you on a pedestal? [Okay, so maybe... Maybe he is, perhaps, he sees so much in Kieren, he knows, he's never felt so drawn to anyone before. But at the same time..] Amy also told me you asked her once why anyone would want to be with you, as if you were below everyone else. I could see it, too. [He's been there, he knows, he still feels it sometimes about himself.] I just want to lift you up, Kieren. I'm not worried that you're alive-- [not about any of that anyway] I don't think you'll forget what happened to you.

[And.. Oh. He hadn't expected that. Kieren liked other people. It throws him a bit, honestly, he'd never really imagined Kieren would want to polyamorous, but then he never really imagined that of most people, but he knew of it, at least a little bit. He feels a pang of sadness, too, when Kieren says he broke it off with the others, that he felt horrible. There'd been an unhappiness and Simon hadn't even known about it.]

Yeah. It's okay to like more than one person at a time. [He'd seen it work before, he never thought it was something he'd be willing to try, but then he also never really thought he'd like someone as much as he liked Kieren and that it would actually have a chance of working.] Can we meet in person to talk about that?

[Of course he can't help but feel sort of... inadequate, maybe not good enough, if Kieren wanted other people. But then Kieren had met those others after Simon left before, had grown attached to them then, so..]

I want you to apologize to Jem.

( and no, he is not budging on this. kieren is stubborn as a mule when he wants to be. )

Before we talk about...any of this. You really messed her up, Simon. We've both been trying to move on, and you set that back a lot. It's not me you should be apologizing to.

I mean, if you really mean it. If you're really...serious about all this.

[Yeah, he can tell from Kieren's voice that he won't move on this. And he'd sort of suspected it would be a condition. God that's going to be an awkward conversation, largely because while he understands he shouldn't have said anything, he doesn't think Jem is innocent. It's hard to think otherwise from where he currently is. Then again, if being here (and meeting Bucky, too), as well as his experiences with Kieren's parents, have taught him anything, it's that not necessarily everyone should be painted with the same brush. Maybe not even HVF fighters.]

Alright. I'll apologize. [If that's what Kieren wants. But with a phone call, so he can get a better impression of her than texting would ever provide.] I do mean it, I'm serious about this.

[He pauses, then adds:] I'll tell you when I've done it. [And at that he ends the call, leaning against the door to his and Kieren's apartment and breathing out a sigh. He opens the door, then sinks to the floor and stares at his phone for a while before he finally dials Kieren's sister.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ic contact

no subject

text -> voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;